He buys a surfboard from his last pennies. She secretly drives the savings through. Try to survive as a couple.
“I thought: I'll pay it back at the end of the month. It was the first time that I transferred money from our savings account to my company account. ”In retrospect, Birgit (39) can be fooled. "Because of course, it did not stop with that one transfer."
She founded her one-man administrative business in 2014 - she was sure it would be a success. “My friend thought it was exciting that I quit my well-paid job, but supported me. The market demanded it, I had years of experience in the industry and we were not personally dependent on my salary. ”
Startup issue, I guess
Things went a little less well than she hoped. “Startup issue, I guess. That the first year more money went out than came in, I just kept to myself. There would naturally be more customers. ”Stupid, she says now. “Because if I had immediately played an open card, we might have had a fight, but then we could have searched for a solution together. Being able to agree on how much we would invest in my business.
Now, in two years' time, without saying a word, I have driven through our entire savings account of forty thousand euros in order to continue to make my contribution to the mortgage. Very hypocritical of course, because my friend ultimately paid that contribution himself. ”
Day sloop, daydream vacation
Goodbye, little boat, which friend had saved for so long, goodbye dream vacations with their sons of six and eight. “My friend also found out by accident, when he thoughtfully looked at our savings account about that boat. I can't blame him for his anger. I cheated on him for two years and deprived the whole family of a dream. For nothing, because I closed my case six months ago, almost immediately after his discovery. I am now back in paid employment. Our relationship has since been ice cold. Although my friend would like to leave me, we don't have a cent reserve to pay for a move. ”
Money number one hassle topics
Money is the number one priority when it comes to arguing topics. Far above the education of the children, parents-in-law, jealousy or sex. In fact, according to NIBUD (National Institute for Budget Information), almost two-thirds of couples regularly argue about finances. Birgit: “I have been awake for months because of the financial misery into which I collapsed. Still hoped that the orders would flow in. I was ashamed of my failure to agree with my friend that he had his doubts when I quit my job. I found that humiliating, but the loss that I now suffer is many times greater. "
Proposed a better financial situation
Annabel's friend (41) also presented his financial situation a little rosier when he met her through a dating site. Annabel: “He is an erudite appearance, as it is called. The tailor-made suit, eloquent, a small car but I thought that was fun. The first weeks he paid for everything. Pushed my wallet away if I wanted to take the bill, arranged tickets for the theater; he completely pampered me. "
He couldn't afford dinner
Until the cloud of love began to rise a little, and the reality became increasingly clear to Annabel. “The dinner parties decreased, more and more often he suggested just watching a movie at home. And the air conditioning of that car turned out to be broken for more than a year. ”She was warm, also thanks to the maintenance of her ex. He finally confessed that he had to pay a lot of alimony, lived in an overpriced apartment and had disappointing business figures. He could not afford to pay for those meals. "The bottom line is that my ex is now paying our romantic dinners because I throw my credit card on the table nowadays."
Attractive is different
Attractive is different, says Annabel. Just like most women, by the way. According to research by online dating agency Elite, the income of a partner is important for 65 percent of women. For the men that would apply for only 16 percent. For 34 percent of women, marriage would not even be an option if someone has a lower income than she does.
"I am disappointed that he has acted differently," says Annabel. “Also do not know if I would have continued the relationship if I had known this at the beginning. I already have a ten and twelve-year-old to take care of, I don't need to take care of an adult guy. Winter sports, a weekend away when we don't have the kids; therefore not possible. I finally regained my freedom and freedom of movement after my divorce. Now, due to the lack of money from my new friend, I am once again tied to hands. That's what I fit for: I would rather go on my own, with my children. "
Bottom of the household pot is in sight
Not that money worries are easier if you have been together for half of your life and have given birth to three children. Josine (33) has been contributing to the family income since her husband's business is going downhill. But she can't keep a job for longer than a few weeks, while the bottom of the household pot is coming into view more and more.
“I never really worked after my education. I took care of the children and the housekeeping while he earned the money. With such a poor resume, the jobs are not up for grabs. I tried it as a postman and in-home care. Jobs below my level. That did not really help. "
Share love partner borrowing from wallet content
The quarreling of jobs is not good for their love life: "I am disappointed that my husband is unable to make his business a success, he thinks I'm a loser because I'm so messed up with jobs."
She has recently started working as a branch manager, this time with more chance of success. “The environment is nice, the salary reasonable. Hopefully, that will contribute enough to resume our lives. I don't want to think that we can't make it financially and that we are forced to sell our house. I don't know if our marriage would survive that. And perhaps worse: I have to conclude that I apparently derive part of my love for my partner from the contents of his wallet. ”
Nothing attracting scanty finances
Wendy (38) is annoyed by her husband who deals with money rather casually. They bought a nice house when the future was still looking at them, but then the recession struck. Both lost their jobs three years ago. No problem, they soon found a new one: he full time, the three days a week. They fell in income, while they now also have a child.
Wendy: “We had calculated that our son - he is now two years old - would incur additional costs. I find it annoying that my husband doesn't care about our scanty finances. He happily continues shopping at the very expensive organic supermarket and buys a surfboard from our last pennies because that seems to him such a nice new hobby. No water in the neighborhood, by the way, and that trolley to transport the board has to be purchased. And I just turn around, while I also want to do something about my hopelessly outdated wardrobe. ”
Real communication issue
Somehow Wendy finds it endearing when the man with bags full of top prize items starts the weekend. “I am the health fanatic and crazy about the two of us, he tries to encourage me in that. But I only buy things from the house brand, he comes home with expensive almond flour. He just doesn't really care, finances - and certainly not what I think about that. I'm afraid it will break us up one day. "
Well, and according to relationship experts, that is often the real reason when a relationship crisis seems to be about money: the lack of communication, equal dignity or trust that lies beneath it. Wendy: “With us, it is really a communication issue. I don't understand a thing about his impulsive purchases, he, in turn, thinks I'm taking on the job. Says: "We can still pay the bills?" I prefer to build a buffer so that the three of us can go on holiday with the three of us again, and he can rent a plank there. "
No comments:
Post a Comment